Eventually, some of Laban’s sons started to figure out that Jacob was intentionally breeding the animals in such a way that Jacob would always get the good animals and Laban the crappy ones, and that was totally going to mess up their inheritance.

Sensing that he was wearing out his welcome, Jacob decided he and his enormous family and tons of livestock should take off and go back to Canaan. In order to convince Rachel and Leah, he told them the story of how Laban had cheated him out of 14 years labor by giving him the wrong woman. For extra spice, he added some nonsense about a dream he had had in which God told him to leave. Rachel and Leah, reasoning that their inheritance was probably gone now anyway since Laban had sons and Jacob had just spent the past several years slowly taking away all of Laban’s shit, agreed to go.

Figuring just leaving wasn’t good enough, Rachel decided to steal Laban’s idols (most of the people back then were primitive and foolish, and so worshipped little trinkets rather than the invisible man in the sky most people worship these days)

Jacob and his huge family, his servants, and all of his animals somehow managed to sneak away unnoticed. After three days, someone finally realized that the place was a lot less crowded than it normally was, and told Laban that Jacob had escaped. Furious, Laban got together a posse and went after Jacob.

After seven days, Laban’s group overtook Jacob. That night, God came to Laban in a dream and warned him not to talk to Jacob. Laban, not a big God fan, went and talked to Jacob anyway. He berated Jacob for taking off without even saying goodbye. After 20 minutes of trying to guilt trip Jacob, Laban suddenly decided to take God's advice and shut up.

However, Laban was still righteously pissed that someone had taken his idols. So, he went from tent to tent trying to find them. Rachel, not wanting to get caught with someone else’s gods, hid them in the sofa and sat on them. When Laban came to search her tent, she said she couldn’t stand up because she was on the rag (seriously!), but Laban could feel free to search the place.

Jacob, not happy that Laban had decided to ransack his camp, lit into Laban and unloaded a bunch of accusations on him. After a big fight, Laban agreed to split the land up and let Jacob go. So the two built a pile of rocks, and agreed that one side was Laban’s and the other Jacob’s, and if any one crossed into the territory of the other, they were going to be in a world of pain.

After a good night’s sleep, Laban kissed his daughters and ludicrous number of grandchildren, and went back home